O my scars and garters
My Dad makes a request (apologies in advance to Tom Hiddleston)
Me: So Dad, do you have any special ideas for Father's Day?
Dad: I'm fine with our original plan of gifts, lunch, and a movie.
Me: But do you want to do or receive anything super special in particular?
Dad: No...?
Me: Because, well...right now is the time to ask. You are a splendid dad and a splendid human and I love and appreciate you and everything you do so much. I want to give you things and do things for you.
Dad: Aren't you already?
Me: Well, yeah, but not special things. I'm only saying, if you want something special, just name it. Name it! Even if you say, like, you want a pegasus or something. I don't care who I have to kill or blow, you will have that pegasus.
Dad: Well I was kind of wanting a new ladder, but now that there's a pegasus on the table...
Me: *laughs*
Dad: Actually, you know what? There is something. I went on the web and looked up what RPF is...
Me: No.
Dad: ...and what I want for Father's Day this year...
Me: No.
Dad: ...is for your to write a story...
Me: No.
Dad: ...about Tom Hiddleston.
Me: NO.
Dad: What do you mean 'no'?
Me: I mean NO, Dad. I will not write Hiddles RPF for you.
Dad: Excuse me, what happened to 'I don't care who I have to kill or blow'?
Me: That was different. I was talking about a pegasus. I will not do this.
Dad: Why not?
Me: Because I think it's creepy and I won't do it.
Dad: How is it creepy? You give people stories as presents all the time.
Me: Yes, but not stories with real people!
Dad: Bullshit!
Me: Well, okay, but they're always about the people getting the story, and they're right there and I know them personally and stuff. Tom's a stranger and it's creepy.
Dad: Please write it anyway?
Me: No.
Dad: For Father's Day?
Me: No.
Dad: Before I'm dead?
Me: You're only fifty-eight.
Dad: But...*sigh* Okay, baby. I understand that you aren't comfortable doing this and that you have to do what's right for you and stick by your principles. That's why I'm so proud of you, Mad; you're a talented young woman full of strength and integrity. Having you for a daughter is the best gift any dad could ever hope for.
Me: ...Damn it, Dad.
Dad: Can you write an action scene?
Me: Sure.
Dad: And I still don't quite understand what a 'shipper' is, but I want there to be pirates in the story.
Me: Okay.
Dad: And I'm the Captain.
Me: Anything else?
Dad: I'll let you know if I think of anything.
Me: *sigh* Are you sure you wouldn't rather have that ladder?
Dad: Honestly I'd rather you marry Tom just so that I get to hang out with him, but I don't think you'd be able to swing that by tomorrow.
Me: I already feel dirty.
Dad: I want French onion soup.
Me: In the story?
Dad: No, for lunch.
Posted 11 months ago
326 notes
Tagged: conversations with my parents, i feel sullied and unusual, i'm so sorry tom, please don't hate me, i'm really not creepy, .
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